Anchored

Have you ever been so engrossed in your daily to-dos and meeting the needs of your family that you forget who you are or what brings you joy outside of your family?  I’m in that season right now.  Trying to discover the Me in my family.  As a wife and a mom,  the to-do list keeps me busy planning family bible studies, meal prepping for the week, running to soccer, working full time, helping on the farm… Plus trying to fit in my personal development, time with the Lord and time for fitness.  I am definitely all work and no play, and I can feel that stress and decrease in my joy.

At dinner with my husband the other night, I expressed that I don’t know what brings me joy outside of our family.  I was a single mom working two jobs for many years always trying to keep my head above water financially and emotionally.  Now I have a full beautiful family who all brings me so much joy.  I continue with my work ethic of going nonstop and that feeling of keeping my head above water hasn’t faded – even though it shouldn’t be there anymore because I need for nothing, except for more coffee and more Jesus.  I know and am pretty good at the to-do of being a wife and a mom.  I provide for needs, cook, clean, plan, encourage, teach, love, build up and help….I’m the needs meeter and I love it!  Within this, I like to call, Superhero living, I have times that I feel my giving tank is empty.

I tried to find my refueling from my family and husband, but that’s not their job. I love them dearly and they make me laugh often and I love providing for them!  But putting the ridiculous expectations on them to know what I need, when I need it and expecting them to refuel me lead to a  mindset that would lead to me having feelings of  frustrated and unappreciation causing me to:

1. Believe Lies about them like – no one loves or cares about me, my family always takes and no one gives
2. Selfishness of wanting to stop giving and providing for them (spite)
3. Acceptance of feeling Empty – I don’t have to be empty, God doesn’t want me to be empty – he wants me to give continuously – but not to be empty.  By living empty I’m impatient, short tempered and unkind.

I’m completely aware that this direction of thinking is beyond wrong – that’s the worst part.  I’ve known of Christ my whole life, but my relationship with him was luke warm until about 4 years ago.  I strive and pray for help that I may walk Jesus strong and yet, as Paul says in Romans 7:21-23  “So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right evil lies close at hand…”  God is our only solace in times of need and emptiness – God is the bread and life of our day and he will refill us if we turn to his Word.  God will grant us to be strengthened through the power of the spirit.

So I begin my Rediscovery of what brings me joy – finding my why and my purpose through who God says I am.  Discover the unique superhuman gifts God has given me to lead my family and my life.  I don’t know where this discovery is going to lead, but I am finding joy in writing this blog and writing my first book it’s helping pull out my unique gifts, use them as God intended and inspiring me to make a difference.  In this discovery I’ve learned a powerful why/purpose in my heart,  – To help others discover their unique gifts and use them with Godly power and confidence so that we might be able to make a big change in this broken world. 

If you feel like I do, feel like you need more refueling, feeling at a loss for who you are aside from your family –  Discover your why/purpose fill this in My why is To____________ So that_____________.   (for more information listen to Simon Sinek’s ted talk Start with Why)