After talking about my personality type with my husband, he wanted to learn more about his but said that we should each fill out the questionnaire for him because my type states that I learn and care a lot about those I love. It was pretty funny after we were done because we ended up with the same thing, except he had ESTP and I had ENTP. What’s even funnier, is that my others-focused, controlling personality was more right (ENTP) than his intuitive flexible personality.
There has been much debate on whether opposites attract or if a difference is the key, but any relationship will thrive if we strive to understand one another. Reading through all of our differences was very entertaining, I could see the exact things Tim does that make my ESFJ go bonkers and I can see the tendencies the drive his ENTP nuts. In talking through these things we laughed, accepted and remembered what and why we love each other so much. Here is just a bit of what we learned:
Practical & Harmonious Vs. Challenger & Assertive – One of the funniest realization I’ve had studying our personality differences is that I’m always seeking harmony and Tim likes a good debate. Now that I know why I try to quickly and practically explain the misunderstanding away and that in doing so, makes Tim hear, “so you’re saying I’m wrong” – Challenge accepted.
It’s quite fun to laugh at it now that I understand why we both act the way we do in the beginning of an argument and how they have the ability to escalate quickly. He likes a good intellectual challenge – I hate it and just want it to logically disappear before starting.
Mom Mode Vs. Computer brain – So, on the subject of conflict, when we are in conflict I go to Mom mode if I can’t find harmony and try to create order and take control of the situation but my talkative fact man of a husband has plenty more facts to put into his debate/defence before he’s ready to call it quits. My trying to take “control” of the situation only adds fuel to his debate.
Is it solved? Vs. We had a fight, when? – After conflict I’m still wondering if everything was solved, do I owe an apology, could I have done it better or different and tend to feel a little misunderstood and unappreciated. Tim however, needs about 5 minutes and it’s all good, no idea what the fight was even about. Glad he can give grace so quickly!
Order & Duty Vs. Spontaneous & Talkative – I drive Tim bonkers with how organized and planned everything has to be – I mean planned down to the minute. Not only that, but until my work is done (my duties) nothing else happens. He says “let’s cuddle on the couch” – are you kidding! It’s all work and no play till everything is done. To him, it’s let’s talk, play, and be spontaneous now and do the dishes later. The idea is like nails on a chalkboard for me.
Plan of Action Vs. Mr. Fix – When we were designing our house I said that the kitchen has to be in the middle of the house so I can be at the center of everything – well yes, that is 100% my personality. By being in the middle I can make sure everything and everyone is being taken care of. My husband likes this because then he can be out discovering what’s next. He hates being bored and is always looking for the next thing to work on. This also suits us very well because he can execute the parts of my plan I can’t do and I can plan the parts of the things he needs to be planned out.
We have a lot of differences and it was a blast to learn and talk about them. Now that we can seek to understand one another we can be more accepting of each other, continue to build our relationship and approach conflict a little differently. We compliment each other well with my planning and organizing and his need to stay busy – We make an amazing team! We’ve transformed our farm, our house and highly motivated to continue the work that God is doing in our lives and the lives of our Girls. Learning to love our differences will suit our life very very well.
Ladies, study your husband and study yourself. You’ll find a lot of humor in it all and learn how your differences can help you deal with your husband differently and how to accept yourself more openly. You and your husband make a great team – if you forgot or want to learn how to make a better team – learn the good, the bad, and the ugly of one another and then love it all unconditionally!