As I prepare for my next podcast and take time to do some reading – both correlate with emotions and how much they impact the people and circumstances around us. I hate, so much, when I know what I should do and know what’s the right thing, yet go in the opposite direction. It really makes me wonder how that’s possible. I mean seriously, how can I read and write about emotional wellness and how important having a good mental attitude be and then let my negative mental attitude create marriage strife?
I don’t know about you, but I carry around a lot of insecurity and low self-esteem. I know with all my heart that God loves me and that He is using me and equipping me, but yet my past and human nature have doubt constantly looming over me like a dark cloud.
The fact that there is knowledge of my worth in God, yet still insecurity is a real testament to the battle that is within us – the war always at hand. Isn’t it exhausting to fight this internal battle all the time? I sure think so. That’s why we can’t do it on our own. As I have my insecurities, instead of turning to TV to drown out my sorrows, instead of giving in the pity party – I’d much rather have. I dive into my book and the Bible because I am always in desperate need of renewal.
Yesterday, I woke up in quite a funk. Honestly, I’d been in this funk for a few days. Stupid brain, sometimes, I get pretty frustrated when I try to speak life and truth into it and it would rather stay in pity party mode – why is that?!
Well, my stinky thoughts lead to some conflict between my husband and I. I can’t seem to get my mind off of the pity party it’s determined to throw. So, as I turn my focus onto my inner battle I lost the ability to speak lovingly or even be kind to my husband. Ever been there, so internally frustrated that it drains any ounce of patience or love?
When we have stinky thoughts it impacts our words, actions, and reactions. As I make breakfast and get ready for church – oh and continue to deal with the bickering if of my whiney low self-opinion and the truth of who I really am… I snap at my husband a few times. Looking back, I know it’s because part of me was longing for him to show me I was worthy, loved, appreciated… I wanted him to help me with the battle that, mind you, he had no idea about.
I hinted at it but didn’t really explain how I was feeling. Well after a pretty good heated argument the pity party stopped as I realized how much of a pain I was being. Lysa Turkhurst said it best; my attitude and inner dialog causing me to be like a stinky dog.
We have the best golden retriever ever! Seriously, she’s incredible but is starved for affection. Not because we don’t love her dearly, but because she insists on rolling around in deer, cow or horse poop. We live on a farm, so whatever kind of poop she can find to roll in – she does. Our negative thoughts, make us stink as bad as my dog after rolling in cow poop.
As I struggle with my inner war, my outer appearance and energy is that of a smelly dog. Inside, I’m starved for affection but outside I smell so bad that no one can handle coming close to give any love or affection. Plus even if they did, my stench might rub off on them as I try to act tough like I don’t need anyone.
Isn’t it weird how much our inner being affects our home, our relationships, our marriage… Not only that but when we are fighting our inner battle, even if someone did try to give us a mental “bath” of encouragement – we’d probably just roll in the stink again.
We get in our heads that we’d rather walk in death and stink than walk in life. We have life through God – by letting God live within us we need to choose to be life and fight off our inner critic, fight off our stinkin’ thinkin’, and apply Truth.
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. – Proverbs 23:7
Truths we can tell ourselves when the stench of our thoughts rises up:
- We are made in God’s image – Genesis 1: 26
- God uses the weak and broken – “My power is made perfect in your weakness” – 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
- You are loved – God so loved the world that he gave his only Son for you! – John 3:16
- God has the biggest but – you may struggle, you may not.. BUT God will always, does always – no matter what you’re going through “I am alone, but God. I’m not good at anything, but God. I am ugly, But God. I’m not good enough for this, but God…”.
- You are victorious, not a victim – you can’t be both – so, be victorious
- Comparing is Toxic
- Healthy Relationships begin with self-love
You are fearfully and wonderfully made – even if others don’t see it – your heavenly Father knows it – Wonderful are his works and you are one of them!