Birthdays have bothered me for a while. I never really understood why we put ourselves and our children up on a pedestal for a day that we were born. Honestly, we have nothing to do with our birth. All the credit goes to our parents and our true creator, God (YAHWEH).
Why, when we’ve done nothing to deserve the honor of being born and, worse yet, have done nothing of value with our lives in the last year to bring honor to our creator. As a matter of fact, we’ve mostly likely spent the last year creating ourselves based on the values, desires and wants that we have. Probably not one time asking YAHWEH how He created us or what His plans are. We make life about ourselves, putting ourselves, our children, others… on a pedestal and rarely looking at what we’ve done with our lives, and how our actions, attitudes, thoughts… reflect our true creator, YAHWEH, and not reflect ourselves and what we’ve made.
With this realization we’ve changed birthdays in our home to reflect on what we’ve done for YAHWEH’S kingdom and not what we’ve done for our own. For the past couple years I have read my bible and daily journaled, but this year has been different from any other and I’ve learned to hear from Holy Spirit and find true freedom and healing. Please know, this has also been one of the hardest years of my life, because uncreating ourselves isn’t easy.
Today I look back at some of the journal entries from the past 6 months and I can’t believe how many prayers have been answered: my marriage doesn’t even look the same. My husband and I actually enjoy one another and accept each other fully. To be honest, I wasn’t sure we’d make it very long, but through prayer and reflection and … I couldn’t be happier. My closeness and understanding of YAHWEH has grown significantly, my family’s faith has soared, I don’t struggle with alcoholism of gluttony anymore. I no longer struggle with weight and body image issues (even though they try to come back and throw me off track from time to time), I’ve learned how to put health and scripture together to find true healing in the word of YAHWEH, i’ve read through the bible front to back for the first time and am on round two because it am in pure awe of our Creator. As a family we’ve reduced a lot of debt and increased our tithing, we’ve started a small home church with a group of friends hungry for the LORD, started a youth bible study with a group of 12yr old girls and their moms…
Here are a few things that I’m still learning though:
- How to not let my emotions get the best of me – to be controlled and sound minded in the midst of my emotions
- Overcoming fatigue (because I try to control and micromanage everything)
- Overcoming fear of people’s opinions, fear of rejection, fear of upsetting people…. Is it too odd to say, I’m just afraid of people 😉 (even though I truly love them all)
- Overcoming perfection/performance mindset
- Learning to trust YAHWEH so much that nothing shakes me
- Learning to walk with YAHWEH in all circumstances with peace and joy
- Learning to reflect YAHWEH and not myself (emotions, wants, desires…)
I invite you to join me in uncreating ourselves, one step at a time, one day at a time. I don’t know where the LORD will take us just yet, but I’ve learned and believe that it’s worth every step of the way. The only reason the things above are no longer huge stumbling blocks for me is because I daily met with Him, journaled, prayed, usually cried and every single day, He met me, right where I was and held my hand in the dark and walked me out.