Highly motivated and high standards are good qualities unless they leave you feeling discontent with the things around you. I have a broken past full of poor choices and things I’d rather take back than continue to live with the guilt that hangs on my heart. In spite of my brokenness, God has saved me from myself and when I take a moment to look around, I can not believe how much He has blessed me, it’s undeserving.
I have the gifts of a driven, hardworking and committed personality. They give me the ability to focus on my personal development, to strive for growth and to understand myself, God, and how to be a wife, mom, and stepmom. In my development journey, my strong desire to break my bad habits often outweighs my ability to recognize how far I’ve come or the good in every moment. The guilt on my heart causes me to be overcritical of myself when I make the smallest of mistakes. Anytime I snap at my husband or the kids, when I’m impatient when I don’t feel joyful….when anything about my attitude is out of line with what I want to be like.. I’m hard on myself…
I’ve received all this grace from God, but can’t seem to muster up a single ounce of it for myself!?
Being content within my growth and development seems impossible! How in the world are we supposed to be content where we are, when the awareness of our shortcomings is much more obvious?! The power of the guilt in me makes it hard to be content – feeling like I don’t spend enough time with the kids, think I’m being unfriendly to my husband, know that I’m not spending enough time with God – My critical mind leaves me little room to find joy in the moment. I get so frustrated with myself – I can spend an entire day striving… Don’t yell, be kind, be friendly, keep the house clean, feed everyone, don’t lose it; no, seriously keep it together and don’t lose it…. play, be joyful, be grateful, slow down, speed up…..I’m completely in my head, all day, striving to be conscious of my choices and to “do my best” —and at the end of the day – I lay there wondering where the day went, wondering if I made anyone in my family feel loved, wondering why I feel like my entire system has short-circuited – was I so focused on not failing that I left everyone, including myself feeling empty and unloved???? It’s not my family that overwhelms me or makes me exhausted – it’s me and the judgments, expectations, and pressures I put on myself that leaves me frayed!
At the end of the day – I lay in bed wondering where the day went, wondering if I made anyone in my family feel loved & wondering why I feel like my entire system has short-circuited
If you’re anything like me, we have to stop! We have to be happy in our season and in our exact location. While being content with what we have, we need to take steps toward God – consuming ourselves with his Word, because that is where our development, growth, strength and worth will come from. I turn to God’s word, read development books, listen to podcasts….all in my walk to live a godly life – the problem is that I’m putting my growth and development on my own shoulders and all that happens is that I fail – over and over again – I fall short of the growth I want to see happen. It’s only when I pray that God will help me put things into action, to give me strength and to renew my mind, that I see the changes happen within me and within my family.
I can not, you can not – grow or change without God. In him alone will we have strength, courage, wisdom, and development. We are all a work in progress – we should be leaning into God daily and applying his teachings to the way we live, trusting where we are while we hope in God to renew us, develop us, coach and grow us.
Stop striving for perfection and trust the good work that God is doing within you.
“Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing”
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones”
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect”
Philippians 4: 11-13
“I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”