I’m like a stubborn kid hanging from the monkey bars making excuses like Moses to not fulfill my calling.
Comfort and control are my two favorite things. Lucky me, I work from home and spend my days in my sweatpants. This is especially convenient since it’s a windchill of -12 degrees outside.
Do you remember being a kid on the monkey bars and someone would be on top trying to move you by peeling one finger away at a time? As one finger would release, you’d hang on tighter with the other fingers.
Well, God is calling me, I’m not sure to what, but that’s because I’m the kid hanging there and God is trying to get me to let go of control and comfort and trust him and let go. As I work to obey I let go of some things, but as I do that I hold on tighter to others. Like the controlled environment that I call home.
I’m a strong-willed first-born woman. Letting go of striving and control is a real struggle! I’m working on not seeking my own way and trying to give my emotions and thoughts to God. It’s hard to do that in my own home, not to mention out in the world.
I like to say it’s because I live in comfortable clothes all day – but, it’s not the real reason.
The truth is, I have been growing less willing to leave the safety of my home as my faith grows stronger. Yet, this word – Ambassador, on my heart. It’s the constant topic of podcasts, my bible study, constant ringing in my ears, and everywhere I look.
Ambassador – An ambassador must walk a very fine line. He lives in one country, but he is responsible to another. He must represent the message of a leader who is not directly present. He must also embody the character of his home country, following laws and customs that are not necessarily known or even welcome in the host nation. All while respecting the laws and customs of that host.
As I examine this word, ambassador, many questions come to mind. I’m not a quiet and gentle person, how can I be an ambassador for Christ? How am I worthy of being an ambassador with all I’ve done in my life? Would anyone take me seriously or would I carry a scarlet letter where ever I go? How can I be an ambassador when I struggle to be one to my own family?
We are not of this world, we are here to represent Christ and Heaven, and we aren’t always welcomed. The thoughts of rejection and inability to carry out ambassadorship keep me hanging on to what I can control.
Watch movies, TV shows, or reading books the foreshadowing by the writing is my favorite thing to watch for. I try to figure out what’s next or how it will end. Usually, I’m right or pretty close. Yes I realize this is another way I like to control my environment – know the future – the struggle is real people.
Well, there is a foreshadowing happening in my walk with God right now, and I have no idea what it’s going to look like or how it’s going to end. I’m not supposed to predict this one or have any idea – I’m only supposed to trust that it is greater than anything I could imagine.
Lord, thank you for the work you’re doing in all of our lives. Help us learn to let go of the control we desire and step out as an ambassador for you with love and compassion. Teach us to trust in your plans and not hunt so hard after our own way. In Jesus name, Amen