Not all growth feels good. Sometimes growth can come in something that resembles and feels much like depression.
Hey all, I’m in a season of feeling very unsettled. My inner world is filled with a million lies that are far from anchored in truth “you’re always going to be less than.” You’re never going to win the inner battle with food and your mood”. You’ll always disappoint the people around you.”
I’ve spent the last month, maybe more feeling depressed and insecure – not worthy of many things. The lies within me have taken over, my list of things to do was too high, and the failures within them were all I could see. To be honest, I’m still working on them, but today while I was reading Made to Crave, which I highly recommend, something Lysa Turkerkeurst said stood out. She wanted God to unsettle her.
Unsettle me, Lord, unearth that remnant if unforgiveness. Shake loose that justification for compromise. Reveal that broken shard of pride. Expose that tendency to distrust.
After reading her words, I felt the Holy Spirit say: “That’s exactly what I’m doing”.
Change is hard. Living for Christ is hard, it’s a narrow gate.
I’m chasing after God. I want to be the kind of Jesus girl that loves people to Jesus, but I can’t be unless I understand and heal my brokenness.
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-14
I’ll never be unbroken, life has happened and does happen. But the more that I love and accept my brokenness and weakness the more God can use me.
His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Too often, ok, always, I hate my weakness, so I try to hide it. I try to hide it from people around me, including my husband.
I try to make everyone think I’m superwoman, while the truth is hidden inside – My spirit is dying more and more because the pressure to keep up with perfect is too much for me to bear.
The crazy thing is, I even try to hide my weakness from God. The only one who can genuinely make me healthy.
How foolish our flesh can be right!? God sees my brokenness and weakness and like any good Father, wants to help me out, give me His strength – which is more significant and more amazing that I could ever have on my own.
Our flesh can be stubborn, mine is for sure! And so, sometimes we have to have no other choice, no other options and be at our weakest so that we can see Him and His strength and play in our lives.
So, I sit here, sad, unsettled and weak… but please don’t feel bad for me. Because this morning, I’m feeling His strength in my weakness. 🙂
Have a blessed day and Happy Mothers Day