I’m a list maker! I make lists of lists. Fancy lists with colorful pens. I rewrite my lists after I’ve marked a few things complete and I’ll even rewrite my list if I don’t like my handwriting. Lists sorted between work and home, lists by number or importance. I love lists and the feeling of conquering everything on them.
Lately, though, my lists seem to be turning on me. They seem to be getting longer or taking more time than average, and it’s creating an internal buzz. My insides are like the wings of a hummingbird – buzzing and continuously moving.
Ever feel like you’re mind and soul are so amped up with thoughts, planning, tasks… that it seems like the blur of humming wings?
Well, I’m learning that this internal buzz is causing me to focus so heavily on my list of to-dos that I forget to enjoy each task. I’m even losing the joy in marking something compete – and that’s my favorite thing!
See, my faith is growing substantially right now. I can see God’s hand in everything I’m doing, and I want to know what He’s up to in my life. However, God doesn’t work in to-do lists so my lists seem incomplete because I can’t put His ‘activities’ to complete it. I don’t know what they are!
Faith is a journey not an item on a to-do list, and, as a lover of lists, this drives me bonkers! As much as I wish I could make a list on how to be more like Jesus and check things off as I get closer, it doesn’t work like that. And with the constant buzz in my soul of completing my to-do list, I’m missing out on the peace and stillness He asks from me.
God’s process requires a calming of my internal buzz. My body can continue to move and get things done, but my soul should be at rest, no buzzing only peace and trust for the processes at hand. Letting go of the burden, ‘it’s all up to me.’
Lord, thank you for asking us to quiet our spirit and give our lives to you. You know what is best and your plans are best. Help us calm our internal striving buzz. Teach us to continue to walk forward yet still our souls. Help us remember that you’re in control, that we don’t have to rush everything, strive for perfection or even have it together all the time. Please Lord, help us find rest in you. In Jesus Name, Amen