As I walked in the door at 8 pm with my arms loaded with 6 plastic grocery bags each, all I’m thinking about is getting the girls off to bed and pouring myself a glass of wine. At this point, putting the groceries away can wait just a moment as I pause the chaos and take a sip of wine.
My days often feel this chaotic. I often wonder why, especially since I have the luxury of working from home. I started to evaluate what keeps me so chaotic every day, my time goes to about a million things, but I couldn’t think of a single thing that I’d take off my list.
Mom, step-mom, rule maker and keeper, horse trainer, horse groomer, blogger, chef, maid, list maker, organizer, employee, helper, wife, journal writer, bible reader, carpool driver, basketball coach (part-time), runner, child life coach, teacher… You get the picture.
Each one of these is important to me. I could cut out blog writing and exercise, but those are my ‘fun’ not working things that are just for me. The one thing lacking in that list is being a friend. And, I haven’t pursued friendships at this time, because where would that fit, right?
What I’m Learning About Friendship needs
Here’s what I know; life is way to hard to walk alone. Now, don’t me wrong, I’m not alone – we are a family of five, but when the ladies who talk on the podcasts are my only womenly connection in a day, it makes me feel like I have imaginary friends – as their voices are only heard in my head. To make it worse, they can’t hear me when I talk back. So, it’s like eavesdropping on someone else’s imaginary friends – try to wrap your head around that one.
I need some more Godly friends, we all do. The thing I struggle with the most, aside from the lack of time I have in a day, is that my walk of faith has been a rollercoaster of sin, shame, and amazing grace. I’ve learned so much on my walk and now that I’ve found my way back to God and am living in his amazing presence. I find it difficult to relate to other Christian women. I find it difficult to relate to their struggles and too ashamed to share mine once I’ve heard the sins, to me they seem so trivial when compared to mine.
Too often, I’d compare my story to someone else. Since I’d find my sins worse, I’d slowly back away and assume I can’t be friends with them, they’d never understand me. The truth is, we’ve all sinned, and we all carry shame. In God’s eyes, all sin is the same, he loves us all and wants us to connect with one another so that our faith is anchored and strengthen through each other struggles and God’s presence. We inspire one another as we share our redemption story – We are supposed to share it! Romans 9:23 – Psalm 107:2
How I’m Overcoming my own Roadblocks
If I go out looking for a friend, I’ll find them very scarce. If I go out to be a friend, I’ll find them everywhere. – Zig Ziglar
Well, that sums it up, doesn’t it! If we go out and focus on others and focus on being their friend, friendships will flourish. We are to be selfless friends to everyone we meet. Listen to their story, ask them questions about it. Their walk is different, and their experiences can teach us.
So, I’m going to start and find a life group for myself and a couples one. My husband and I both need people on our walk with us. We are also going to be taking our girls to weeknight gatherings at church because they too need like-minded Christian friends. I’d rather have them start now while they are young and pray these friendships help keep them safe and anchored.